Posted by: annnorris | April 4, 2013

Admiration, Perserverance, Courage?

Well, it has finally come to an end…of chemo, that is. And good riddance to it! I went in for a follow up appointment with Dr. Wilder, my oncologist, this Monday. The last chemo was really odd. I had very little of the tiredness and aches this time, of which I am very grateful. However, I developed all kinds of weird side effects this time – a dark ring circling the bottom of both my feet and peeling, my fingernails went wacky by breaking and splitting, rashes on my hands, redness on only my forehead and left cheek, tingling in my toes to the point I had to cut my toenails really short (it felt like the nails were digging into my toes), and finally, let’s definitely not forget (haha,,,made myself giggle with that pun) the “chemo brain”. I just simply cannot remember or recall words, so if I talk with you and seem ditzy, you know why.

I am scheduled to have surgery on April 29. This is a whole different phase – double mastectomy and reconstruction. While the surgical part doesn’t really bother me, I am a little afraid emotionally to how I will react upon seeing a part of my body missing, one of the better parts in fact! LOL! I will miss “the girls” and no silicone can ever take their place. Maybe send some prayers my way in regards to the handling of this issue. This stage of recovery could last upwards to 4 months, plastic surgeon has to put in tissue expanders and add saline to them every so often to increase the amount of space I will have under my chest muscles. When that is achieved, I will then get my new girls. I think I will call them “the plastics”!  After a few more months, I will move on to having a hysterectomy. Baby steps all the way to being cancer free.

This all leads me to some deep reflection. Many tell me they admire my courage and perserverance. I usually just nod, no real response. I don’t feel like I should be admired for something I just have to do to live a few more years. Its just something I did. Its just something many people do. You do it because its what you have to do at that time, like taking prescriptions. You just do it.

I admire the men in the world who stand up, man up, and stay with their families for the long haul, when it would have been so easy to run away from this responsibility. I admire men who mentor boys to be the type of man who stays with his “Baby Mama” for the good of the child.

I admire two parents, who may have divorced, but manage to stay civil to keep thier children in as normal an environment as possible. It means so much to these kids not to have to choose sides or listen to one parent bad mouthing the other. Bravo to you all.

I admire the single moms, the ones who make a family without a man. Not only does she care for her children, work full-time to provide insurance and a living for her kids, but she still has to mow the yard, take out the garbage, kill bugs – all on her own. She has no one to share midnight feedings, illnesses, or bad dreams that happen in the middle of the night. Its all on her shoulders. She is the one who perserveres day in and day out.

I admire the families who take in foster children, sometimes at the drop of a hat. They take in the ones who need them most. They ask for nothing in return. They  just do it for the children. This includes those who adopt children as well. There is such a special place in Heaven for these folks.

I admire the people who have the courage to go to war for us. At a moments notice, they can be sent off to who knows where to do who knows what for our country. They have to leave their families, and often do not know when they will see them again. I admire the spouses who are suddenly single parents. And I admire the children of the military who miss their dad or mom; who don’t get those special hugs; who don’t really understand why dad or mom is away; and those children who don’t have mom or dad at a special recital, football game or even graduation.

So, you see, I am not doing anything admirable. I am just living day to day with God carrying me along.


Responses

  1. Girlfriend I admire you and also love you. I also love the fact that you are allowing us to be there with you as you walk us through your experience and allow us to be a part of your daily life. The courageous Lion in The Wizard of OZ comes boldly to my mind !!! Your presence just fills my heart when I see you and especially when I get to hug you! You have shared & also shown me alot that has taken the scales off my eyes!! YES! YES! Without a doubt YOU ARE MY HERO!!! and I will be cheering you the entire way! You GO GIRL!!!! All the Prayer Warriors that I know and then alot more from them ALL have you on top of their Prayer lists from the beginning till ???????This bible verse comes to my mind >>>In the day of trouble HE will hide me in HIS shelter;in the secret place of HIS tent will HE hide me; HE will set me high upon a rock. >>>>PSALM 27;5 Praying for you daily, love you Angie


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