Grace

Yesterday, Pastor Barry did a sermon on Grace. (You can listen to it by going to http://www.cbf.us and click on “Sermons”.) I have no idea why, but it came to me – how I have been granted such grace from a loving God, even through this cancer ordeal.

Some of you know my past, my way back in high school past. Some of you know that I wasn’t exactly the good girl, even though I appeared to be during school hours. Some of you know me just after high school, during my first marriage. It wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t pretty. Some of you have seen me when a loved one has been hurt in this world. Although I thought it was for good, I was a lioness in protecting them and in exacting revenge for the act. Not pretty at all. Even after marrying Mark, there have been times when I would have totally deserved a good whack up side my head. I am surprised he stayed with me through everything, even when I was not a good wife. And, thankfully, none of you can actually know my thoughts, but sadly God does know that my thoughts have not always been centered on Philippians 4:8 (Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things). I haven’t deserved much (ok, any) of the beauty I have been graced with. In fact, in my humaness, I deserve every bit of ugliness that goes along with the cancer treatments.

But then, a strange thing happened in during church. I started to think about the positive side to the chemo treatments and surgery. I am even becoming thankful for them. Without surgery to remove the cancer from my breast, I doubt I would be here in another few years. Without chemo, the cancer cells in my lymph nodes could have traveled any number of places. I could be suffering from liver cancer, kidney cancer, lung cancer, or brain cancer in the future. I could be in constant pain, unable to function on a day to day basis. I would have to watch my family hurt as they began to lose me. Yes, my chemo is ugly and its going to get worse as I lose my eyelashes, my eyebrows, and become very weak and tired. But, it will not last forever.

For no reason at all, God has granted me grace! I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t do anything to earn it. He just gave it to me. And, He does this over and over in so many ways. Like now, He has given medical treatments that will heal me. He gave me a man who doesn’t see a bald chick, but sees me as his partner in our life. He gave me these awesome kids of mine to raise, love, protect and encourage. He gives us enough provision that we can share the over abundance with those who need it. He put us into a church that speaks the truth, and encourages us to live out that truth. He gave us special friends along our journey that support us. He gave us families that love us.

As I always tell the kids, “You don’t have to go, you GET to go!” Its a privilege to have this treatment that is not available to everyone.  And, that is going to be hard to remember when I have to go in next Monday for chemo, but I hope I can stay focused on the fact that treatment is available to me. My prognosis is great. God is granting me continually that gift of grace. And, I thank HIM!