Posted by: annnorris | September 21, 2012

When You’re Lonely…

During the day, I am so busy that I never stop to let myself think. There’s always some background noise, the TV, the dog, Mark being Mark, music. I have places to go, chores to complete, my job and of course, wasting time on FB, email, and texting. I stay busy with busyness. My mind stays busy with busyness.

In fact, I’ve had that background noise for sometime now. The kids were here. Mark has been home 24/7 for several weeks. I haven’t had to come face to face with some realities. And I now know that it was both nice and comforting.

However, I’ve learned about the silence the past few nights. Both kids are away at college. Mark went back to work 2 nights ago. My noise is gone. I am faced with the aloneness. I haven’t been handling it well. The first night, I tried reading my bible. I tried taking some phenergan to make myself go to asleep. I tried “Friends”, the TV show, that seems to be on all night. They weren’t my sleep-bringing friends. I finally did doze off, but it was way late!

So last night, I wasn’t dealing with the loneliness very well. I was feverish, my boob was the size of a watermelon, same color too, not to mention painful. You don’t realize when you are diagnosed with breast cancer, that this is a sentence to wear a sports bra every – single – minute! I was just having a “Why Me?” evening. So after watching 3 hours of Army Wives, I tried to go to bed. The quiet settled in. I tried again to read my bible, but it just wasn’t getting into me the way I feel that it should. I felt a failure at even trying to read my bible, the Word from my God! The tears came. I needed some solstace in this storm. Since it was incredibly late, I only had a few choices, so I took every one of them.

First, since Pam lives in Washington, two full hours behind us, I tried texting her. Dumb phone wouldn’t allow text to go through. It kept adding a 1+ and apparently that is not needed for texts. I finally went on FB and messaged her.

Second, I tried texting Sheri, who is a known late night owl. I asked her to just pray for me.

Third, while on FB, I put out a general request for some prayer warriors. This was answered and helped.

But, then Pam put a prayer on FB under my plea. She always knows just what to do and pray. Then we spent some time messaging back and forth. I asked her for a bible passage that might help me. She thought for a minute, then wrote back, Phillipians 4. At this exact moment, God did something only HE can do! When I opened my bible, it divinely opened to Phillipians 4!  I cried for the beauty of the moment, then shared it with Pam. She was the one who brought my family to Christ, and this is a gift I can never repay her. Crying now at that knowledge…

It was a good moment. A quiet moment. A peaceful moment. I want to spend my time thinking on what is true, what is noble, what is right, what is pure, what is lovely, what is admirable, anything excellent or praiseworthy. And I want to be content in fullness and emptiness to know that I can get through all times with Christ who gives me strength.


Responses

  1. One of those times I’m thankful for the time difference! WOW! that was an amazing night and now through this blog we can go back and remember what the Lord has done. I love you Ann, you’ve been such a good friend all these years.


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